Friday, January 30, 2015

SmackDab Sports Super Bowl XLIX Pick

     This year’s Super Bowl pick is a real no-brainer for me, for a couple of reasons. First off, the Seahawks are stacked with Middle Children at key positions. Russell Wilson, Richard Sherman, Marshawn Lynch -- all MidKids. Tom Brady, on the other hand, is the poster child for everything that is not Middle Child-ish. He’s the baby of the family and the only boy. No wonder he’s used to getting his way. Gronk’s a baby too. And no, I am not going to make a “the Patriots are a bunch of babies” joke. Not gonna do it.
     My second reason for picking the Seahawks is that as a lifelong, suffering Miami Dolphins fan, I can't root for the Patriots. Can't do it. It's simply not allowed. Except when they play the Jets, of course. So I’m pretty much contractually obligated to root for the Seahawks -- even though I’m not a huge Pete Carroll fan either. I still have not forgiven him for his past transgressions against the Dolphins.(CLICK HERE and HERE to see what I'm talking about.) So in a perfect world, I guess I’d like the Seahawks to win but somehow for Pete Carroll to lose. Short of that, I’m sticking with my pick. Go Seahawks!!


NOTE: Last year I picked against Seattle, and we all know how that worked out. Even though I’m picking the Seahawks to win this year, as a Middle Child I fully expect NOT to get what I want, so you can be pretty sure the Pats will win.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Tom Brady Gives Reporter the "Middle Child Treatment."

NY Post: Always
keepin' it classy.
     I was thinking quite a few things while watching the Tom Brady “Deflate-gate” press conference yesterday, but since this isn't a sports blog, I’ll keep most of my opinions to myself. However, I will share this with you. Maybe it’s just me and my Middle Child sensitivities, but throughout the press conference, I couldn't help but notice how there was one female reporter in particular who couldn't get Brady’s attention. No matter how hard she tried, he just wouldn't acknowledge her. I was inspired by her Middle Child-like determination to get his attention, but it was killing me how she was being ignored repeatedly. I edited a highlight reel of her numerous attempts. Take a look and tell me if you think I’m nuts. Well, don’t do that -- but see if you agree. I mean, look at how he totally igs her at 22:25. He won’t even look in her direction! When all was said and done, (and just for the record, there’s no way all was said, and this is far from done), here are the two things I took away from Tom’s presser. The first: if that reporter’s not a Middle Child, she certainly knows what it feels like to be one now. The second? I don't think I could ever handle being a reporter.



Wednesday, January 7, 2015

#MidKidRoadTrip Day Two: Twitter Highlights

CLICK
HERE





What a long, strange trip it's been... 18-1/2 hours and god knows how many Jelly donuts later, the #MidKidRoadTrip is officially over. And not a mile too soon. Click below the image on the right for the Twitterized version of all the final day highlights -- or is that lowlights? I guess it all depends on where you were sitting. Decide for yourself. I'm too exhausted.

Monday, January 5, 2015

#MidKidRoadTrip Day One: Twitter Highlights


CLICK
HERE






Greetings from the Comfort Inn in beautiful Santee, SC! Day One of the #MidKidRoadTrip is in the books. Well, it's actually on Twitter. In case you missed the LIVE Tweets throughout the day, I've compiled a handy review, rearranged for viewing ease from top to bottom. Click below the image on the right to see a summary of all the first day action. Hope you enjoy it more than I did!

Thursday, January 1, 2015

The MidKid Road Trip (a.k.a. The Highway to Hell)

     As Middle Children, we want to be the center of attention so badly, we need to be the favorite so desperately, sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't do. We might even know as we're doing it that what we’re doing is stupid, or wrong, or something we might regret -- but our need for approval or acceptance or whatever is so powerful, we can’t stop ourselves from doing it anyway.
     Case in point: my in-laws love to travel. They just don’t like taking trains, planes, or driving themselves anywhere, which makes it somewhat difficult for them to make their yearly winter exodus to Florida. So I did what any normal maladjusted Middle Child son-in-law would do: I offered to drive them. I wasn't even drunk when I said it!
Frightening, I know. I took a 15 minute trip to get pizza with them the other night and thought I would lose my mind. (My father-in-law launched into a detailed critique of the last seven slices of pizza he ate and my mother-in-law kept talking about how good the pizza was in Naples -- even though she’s never been to Naples.) I really have no idea how I’m going to make it all the way down the eastern seaboard with them in the car -- but I’m not going it alone!

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO JOIN ME AS I TRANSPORT
MY IN-LAWS FROM NEW YORK TO FLORIDA.

     You can follow my journey here and on Twitter @MidKidMusings. I plan to tweet hourly updates, which shouldn't be a problem since they’ll probably be stopping for bathroom breaks every 20 mins! God help me.
SCHEDULED DEPARTURE IS JANUARY 5, 2015. STAY TUNED.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Middle Child Christmas Tweet Update

It's only Christmas morning, and if Twitter is any indication, Middle Child Syndrome is already off the charts! Looks like it's going to be a looong day for the Mid Kid! Here's just a small sample. Think of it as my Christmas gift to you -- Merry Christmas!!

Karla Crawford (@kcrawford610)
Once a middle child, always a middle child, granny wrote chloe and Matthew a check and forgot about me!
Feliz Navi(dil)do (@Michael_Dillman)
Mom: "Mike, I love you as much as any mother loves their middle child."
Cory (@c_mac18)
Starting off Christmas by being asked if Id rather sleep on the floor or in the closet. MiddleChild syndrome is beyond real right now
OD (@PatOD31)
I sleep in the basement on a futon when I stay at my parents house now. Middle child syndrome is real.
Cat Loftus (@loftus_cat)
Middle child Syndrome kicks in hard at Christmas
Tate Alambar (@TRAlambar)
I never got to open my presents first. #Middle child.
highest catlady (@HIGHESTcatlady) I have the worst middle child syndrome. Both my siblings got go pros and I got the cheap version of Apple TV lol

Friday, December 12, 2014

'Tis the Season to be Neglected!

     As the Holiday Season shifts into high gear, so does Middle Child Syndrome. It’s difficult to deal with on a normal day, but when the holidays roll around, things can get real ugly. Think about it -- controlling MCS can be a challenge when you’re with just your parents or some of your siblings. But when all your family is together, there’s no telling what may happen! Especially when gifts are involved. Birthday gifts are one thing. Birthdays are spread throughout the year, so comparing who got what can be more challenging. But on Christmas, it’s all right there in front of you. There’s no escaping it. And if you celebrate Chanukah, it can be 8 times worse! Trust me, no matter what you do, a Middle Child will find a way to conclude they got the worst gift. Even if you got everyone the same thing! That’s just the way we roll.
The Middle Child Syndrome Advisory
has been raised to CODE RED
for the holidays!
     In an effort to spread some Middle Child merriment and hopefully diffuse the situation, I offer up the following. First, here’s a link to a previous post: “Helpful Holiday Tips for Giving Gifts to a Middle Child.” Good luck with that. You should also check out the Smack Dab Shop for all the Middle Children on your list. The gift list, not that other list. (Royalties from every sale are donated to UNICEF, to benefit ALL children.) Order now, and this year you might actually be able to make your Middle Child feel like -- the favorite! Now THAT would be a Christmas miracle. Finally, why not celebrate the season in true Middle Child style? Fire up the YouTube, gather ‘round the virtual fireplace, and enjoy that Middle Child Christmas classic, “The Middle Child’s Night Before Christmas.” Happy Holidays!

COMING SOON: Join me on “THE MID KID ROAD TRIP” as I LIVE Tweet my journey down the eastern seaboard with my IN-LAWS! Details to follow.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Initial Dissapointment

          I don’t want to bore you with the details, but I recently had to change my personal e-mail address. For years, I was lucky to have an address that was simply my first initial and last name. But when I went to create a new account, it was already taken -- by my nephew, as we share the same first initial and last name. (Shouldn't I have dibs on that, by the way? After all, I was here first!) In any case, I had to settle for an address using my first and middle initial. B.S. Yes, that’s right, my name is Bruce Steven. B.S. I guess it could be worse. I could be B.O. But when I was growing up, back when “SHIT” was still a curse word, BS weren’t the initials of choice. Back then, if you said someone was full of BS, well, thems was fightin' words!
     Making matters worse was the briefcase my father got for both me and my brother when I was in 5th grade. It was bad enough it looked like something an accountant would carry to an IRS audit. It even had locks on it! I was in 5th grade, for god sake -- was someone going to steal my book report!? But the worst part were the gold initials that were embossed on it. There they were, for all my classmates to see and make fun of. I still have that briefcase. (Ironically, it is now filled with tax returns from years past. Could my father have been that forward-thinking?)
          All these years later, I no longer feel the stigma of my initials, but when I notified contacts about my new e-mail address, it was like I was in 5th grade all over again. E-mailer after e-mailer couldn't resist the opportunity to poke some fun. “BS. How appropriate!” said one. “Does BS stand for BS?” asked another. “Nice initials. Confirms what I always knew about you,” still another shared. All this renewed fuss over my initials made me realize something that never dawned on me before: they were really yet another Middle Child slight! Think about it. I got to be BS, but what are my older brother’s initials? M.D!! You heard me -- M.D!! Really, Mom and Dad!? Really?? I suppose you could try and put a positive spin on it. You could argue I was given a premature college degree. But I’d still rather be a doctor.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

The Top 10 Middle Child Costumes for Halloween

     For many Middle Children, Halloween is an opportunity to not be a Middle Child -- at least for a day. But I say it's the perfect time to embrace your Middle Child-ness. Or at least a chance to be a different Middle Child -- maybe even a famous Middle Child! Here are  some suggestions:

10. The Multimillionaire Middle Child: All it takes is a snazzy suit and a horrible hairdo, and Voila! -- you’re Donald Trump. Or if you prefer a more understated look, this Tech Digest article outlines all the geek garb you’ll need to be Bill Gates.

9. A Very Brady Halloween: This year, make it all about Jan, Jan, Jan! Choose the traditional TV series look, or the wigged out movie look. Either way, it's a fitting Halloween homage.


8. Famous FOX Mid Kids: They may never get their own spin-offs, so why not let Mid Kids Chris Griffin or Lisa Simpson be the center of attention, just for the night.

7. The Middle Mermaid: Everyone knows all about Ariel, but why not change things up this year and go as her lesser known sister, Ethel? Yes, Ethel Mermaid.

6. The Irrelephant: If you’re really looking for some attention this Halloween, (and honestly, what Middle Child isn’t?), here's the perfect costume: a pachyderm with Middle Child Syndrome!

5. The Invisible Man: You’ve been playing the part for years, so you might as well dress the part this Halloween. Wrap some gauze around your head, slap on some sunglasses, throw on a bathrobe, and you’re good to go! It'll be like you're not even there. What else is new?

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Confessions of a Middle Child: Knot the Favorite

     I tie my shoes like a six year old. There, I said it. This isn't something I’m proud of. It’s actually a little embarrassing. Even though I’m a grown man, I still tie my shoes using “Bunny Ears.” I have tried over the years to make the move to a more mature method, but haven’t been able to successfully switch. It’s no great mystery why I tie my shoes the way I do. Most people probably don’t remember the day they learned to tie their shoes, but I remember it like it was yesterday (SFX: TRIPPY FLASHBACK MUSIC)...

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

It's Time to Play NFL Family Feud!

     The NFL is one big happy family, right? And just like any family, the league certainly has its... issues. Bad behavior, dysfunction and rivalries abound. But California, Florida, and New York have their very own special NFL families. They are the only states that are home to three NFL teams each. As we all know, in a family of three, only one gets to be the Middle Child. So, who are the lucky winners? You decide...
CALIFORNIA

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Onward and... upward?

A Mid Kid's work is never done!
     It's been a little more than two weeks since Middle Child's Day, and here at the International Middle Child Union, we're already hard at work planning for the future. Speaking with people all across the country these past few weeks about Middle Child's Day, two things became very clear: 1) Most people still don't know when it is, and 2) August 12 is a totally random and obviously forgettable date. Let's be honest -- it's at the ass-end of summer, languishing in the no-man's land between Fourth of July and Labor Day. It's just begging to be overlooked. So I've decided to hijack Middle Child's Day and move it to a date that makes much more sense: July 2 -- the smack dab middle of the year, and right on the heels of Independence Day when everyone's already in a festive, celebratory mood anyway.
182 days on
either side.
     That's why today I am announcing the formation of the "Occupy Mid Kids Day" movement. Working together with the Middle Child Party, (which I also founded, so "working together" actually means I've joined forces with... myself), our goal is to rally support for this change. The move shouldn't meet a lot of resistance, since apparently nobody knows when Middle Child's Day is anyway!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Middle Child's Day Update #8: Going to Bat for the Mid Kid!

These teams have made the Middle Child's Day
"A Team" by hosting "Mid Kid Appreciation Nights"
on August 12th and throughout the season.
These teams received Honorable Mention for
acknowledging Middle Child's Day
at their August 12th home games.

Thanks to all the teams for making the Middle Child the center of attention -- at least for one night!!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Middle Child's Day Update #7: NEW Middle Child's Day Greeting Cards are here!

     It's a Smack Dab Blog exclusive! Middle Child's Day greeting cards from MidMark -- when you care enough to not care too much. You won't find them in any store. Trust me, I looked. Show the Middle Children in your life how you really feel about them. Like they don't already know. Simply share this post with them -- could it be any easier give a Middle Child the attention they so desperately seek? No, it could not. And it still won't be enough -- but do it any way, otherwise you'll never hear the end of it. Here's a link to last year's cards if you want to really ratchet up the attention.
Don't forget to check out the Smack Dab Shop for great MidKid gift ideas.
(ALL ROYALTIES FROM PURCHASES ARE DONATED TO UNICEF)




Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Middle Child's Day Update #6: MidKid Icon Gallery

     In honor of Middle Child's Day, change your Twitter, Facebook or any social media profile pic to one of these 50 make-believe and real-life Mid Kids or logos:
Darlene Conner
Donald Trump
Corey Matthews
Malcolm WIlkerson
Danny Partridge
Sue Heck
Stephanie Tanner
I.M.C.U.
Alex Dunphy
Amy Adams
Anne Hathaway
Corey Matthews
Bill Gates
Britney Spears
Bruce Lee

Monday, August 4, 2014

Middle Child's Day Update #5: BRAD PITT Stars in the World Premiere of the Mid Kid Anthem!

     Okay, okay -- so BRAD PITT is not a Middle Child. And BRAD PITT doesn't exactly star in this video either. It's more like four measly seconds of BRAD PITT. But I figure the more I mention BRAD PITT (5X so far), the better the chances are of anyone actually paying attention to the video. I mean, it is a Middle Child video, after all -- a little help from BRAD PITT couldn't hurt.(6X, but who's counting.)
     The "Mid Kid Anthem," sung to to the tune of the 80's hit by Simple Minds featured in the John Hughes' classic coming of age film "The Breakfast Club," features more famous Middle Children then you can shake the short end of the stick at -- 101 to be exact. (See if you can name them all. The complete list is here.) Showcasing famous Mid Kids helps shift the negative stereotype of Middle Children away from being whiney 2nd class citizens, and shows we can achieve great fortune and fame, and still be whiney!
     So without further ado, and just in time for Middle Child's Day, it is with great pleasure I present to you  "The Middle Child Anthem," with a special appearance by none other than BRAD PITT (sorry, I couldn't help it). Please rise...

Friday, August 1, 2014

Middle Child's Day Update #4: Show Some #MidKidPride

Don't forget to wave your virtual Mid Kid flag on Middle Child's Day!
Use #MidKidPride on your social media all day long. Why not start now?
     Middle Child’s Day is the one day a year we get to bask in all our Mid Kid glory. I can hardly wait for all the festivities and flag waving. Of course, there will be no parades or parties. And we certainly don’t have a flag -- so I created one!
     Like all flags, it has symbolic meaning: the large green and blue blocks on either side represent the older and younger siblings, and all the attention they get. That little thin white stripe of nothingness in between them? That’s what we get. A whole lot of nothing. As you'd expect, just like any self-respecting flag, ours also has a motto -- in Latin, no less: 

“Attentionem Ante Omnia” -- “Attention Above All.”