Tuesday, December 24, 2013

"The Night Before Christmas" Middle Child Makeover

          As Middle Children of all ages brace themselves for perceived Christmas party snubs and prepare to feel like their siblings are getting better (and more) gifts, it's time to tell the tale of what really happened on Christmas Eve. This is definitely not your father's Christmas classic -- unless he also has Middle Child Syndrome!

The Middle Child's Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas in some other house
the first born and last born were quiet as a mouse.
The one creature stirring, I probably should mention,
was the Middle Child constantly seeking attention.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
still the Middle Child complained, “Theirs are bigger, no fair!”
While the oldest and youngest were snug in their bed,
visions of hand-me-downs danced in his head.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
were so sick and tired of his Middle Child crap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
now what was he up to, now what was the matter?
My wondering eyes through the window could see,
a person I’ve seen many times on TV.
She whined and she moaned, did this blonde haired young lady,
I knew in a moment it must be Jan Brady!
“Marcia, Marcia, Marcia,” I heard her exclaim,
“She gets all the glory, I get all the blame.
If just for one day I could feel like the favorite,
I’d relish the moment, and always would savor it.”

Monday, December 23, 2013


WARNING: The International Middle Child Union (I.M.C.U.) has raised 
the MCS Advisory to CODE RED in anticipation of Christmas.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Giving Gifts to a Middle Child: 5 Helpful Holiday Tips

     As with pretty much everything else involving a Middle Child, buying presents for us can be very tricky. To help make the holidays happier (and to avoid making matters even worse for us), I’m posting these handy Middle Child gift giving guidelines. Pass this information on to parents, friends and siblings, and let them know if they choose not to follow these tips, they do so at their own risk. They can't say they haven't been warned!
    Of course, even if they follow these suggestions to the letter, we'll still think they did something wrong, but we'll deal with that in next year's tips.
WARNING: Do NOT try this at home!

1)   Whatever you spend on the other siblings, make sure you spend the exact same amount on your Middle Child. Not a penny less. Whoever said, “It’ s the thought that counts,” definitely wasn’t a Middle Child.
2)   The only time you can disregard Tip #1 is if you plan on spending more on your Middle Child than on their siblings. This is perfectly justifiable. It’s the least you can do to make up for years of neglect.
3)   Always buy the same number of gifts for each sibling. Even if you spend more on your Middle Child for fewer gifts, it doesn’t matter. Trust me. (Of course, as in Tip #2, it’s always okay to spend more for more gifts for your Middle Child.)
4)   Do not buy your Middle Child and any other sibling the same gift. Even if it’s something your Middle Child really wants. That will just ruin it.
5)   Never justify a gift by saying, “Your brother/sister has one just like it!” Just don’t do it. Do I really have to explain why?